What am I doing

Tomorrow will mark the halfway point in my radiation treatments which is something to celebrate but on the other hand it is no where near the end of my fight. It occurred to me today that even if radiation does everything they hope it can it won't be enough to save my life. The best result radiation will bring is to prevent the tumor cells from growing back in the area that was just vacated. It is frustratiing to think how much discomfort I'm going through for what seems like a stalling tactic. But I have said numerous times throughout this that I'm not a doctor and so I shouldn't jump to conclusions. Just wanted to let everyone know that while I may not make it through all this it won't be for lack of effort on my part. But everyone needs to realize that I can do everything right and probably still won't win this fight.
At some point I am going to have to stop treatment and focus in getting to live my life. I'm not there yet. But this radiation process has me thinking about when that time will come.